the lover's back....

After a long time im feeling sparks of happiness inside me... like, real happiness... not the kind that just sits at the corner of your mind and reminds you its there when you're feeling sorry for yourself and when you're about to give up... This is the kind that fills you up... every inch of you... and that little corner is now for everything else... all the things that bring me down and make me want to run away... things i know i dont deserve to feel or go through (and its great to know in my heart that i dont deserve it).... this all happened when there was an exit of a certain overpowering shadow from my life... no, i wont give names...! lol.... anyway, i can breathe now that its gone... gone far away... far enough for its presence and darkness not to reach me! but for all the new people who its going to around now.... poor them!!!!

so, i feel like a new me... or maybe like the me i once used to be and missed so much! its nice... the angers all gone people.... now its only love love love.... just like it used to be!! :-D

Zombie me....

After no sleep for over 3 days... it feels (though untrue) that i have no mind body coordination at all... you know that experiment game thing they make you do where if you hold one part of your body completely still for a while and you end up feeling like its not there... yeah well... this is sorta like that too... and this rambling state comes with... my eyes cant exactly see what im typing... im hoping the words im saying in my head are the ones my fingers are typing... but u never know right!!

strangely, with all this tiredness the last thing i want to do is sleep.... maybe its how when ur too tired u cant sleep... but its also this feeling that i wanna be outside house... and not sitting still... and though my math exam was a disaster today... IT is the reason iv been awake and am feeling so pooped now.... and its over.....!!! NO MORE MATH!!!! lol... i feel like i should be celebrating.... if only A'bad had a good pub/disco.... booze and dance (and some pretty girls if possible... ahem ahem!!).... aaaaaaahhhh!!!

Of course, all these ideas are what i want to do according to my mind.. if my body had the energy it would kick my minds butt for even thinking of moving................... wow! talk about a weird sentance!!!