Soft reactions to hard situations...

This... like everything else i seem to begin writing, is incomplete... but then again... thats what life feels like right now... so it works... ever changing... ever challenging... but hopefully, not forever incomplete!

Sometimes the world talks to me
tells me not to give up, give in.
Sometimes the world talks to me
and her voice alone i want to hear.

Everything i have learnt is her teaching.
The person i am, an illustration of her genius.
Now I no longer fear not being understood,
For those who loved me taught me to love myself.

Life has been kind to me, i do not complain
But i know hardships come in many forms
The hardest of tests are given to the strong.
Strong who become stronger, as i have.

The walls of my life often close in,
The doors lock themselves, keyless.
The voices inside are unintentionally yours
and i am convinced to do only it's bidding.

The walls of my room may seem a prison,
But these are the walls protecting me.
Inside i am myself, someone very few see.
Inside, i wish to be alone, even with another.

(years of being the clown and the agony aunt for all my friends has put me in the place i am today, which is the following!)


So many of my friends who are supposed to be my 'closest' ones and all that jazz are unhappy with me right now... and here is the bloody thing! i am tired of negativity, tired of everyone moaning and groaning about how bad their lives are and how everyone is mean to them and how no body cares... well guess what... i dont give a damn anymore... i am tired of everyone wallowing in self pity... ur boy dumped you?! someone cheated on you? NEWS FLASH! your not the only one and crying about it forever OR feeling guilty will not help.... trust me this time will ya!

i refuse to make people feel good about themselves anymore... u got a problem, learn to solve it on ur own... ur not always gonna have someone to help you... surely not me! Nope! No more! Be self sufficient, its an essential survival skill or did u never notice...?!

Heres another thing, your not the only ones with issues... and just cause i dont go around announcing whats making my life hell doesn't mean my life is one big chunk of paradise! I assure you, though u might think ur problems are gigantic and worse than everyone else's... your probably better off than most of our populations... so we should be ashamed of ourselves for being such whiny little brats!


what im getting at here is very simple... so lets all take a deep breath and say it together... GET OVER IT!!!!

a bad ending

Today i was sure nothing could make me feel bad or upset me... i was in such a fucking good mood! Why? because i found out from school that i did in fact make the mark that the IB world sets for us students to decide if we are worthy of the diploma certificate and that they were the ones who had made a mistake in checking my papers, not me!

So while floating in this happy state... or bubble if you will... i was hoping at least the day would pass me by without the inclusion of any sharp objects, so to speak! but i had no such luck... come nightfall and the aftermath India winning the 20/20 world cup thingy (which by the way, i admit was fun and credit to Pak, they played brilliantly)... drunkenness and men.... two things i dislike... especially put together... and well, some other things and details that i rather not mention for the sake of those i love... and for the rest too i suppose... but point being with a 8min episode i had to go through, my entire night was ruined... and the part that makes me angry is... i dont fucking deserve it!! Casue all i did was try and help someone who asked for it... but i guess thats just what u get! right?

Zombie me....

After no sleep for over 3 days... it feels (though untrue) that i have no mind body coordination at all... you know that experiment game thing they make you do where if you hold one part of your body completely still for a while and you end up feeling like its not there... yeah well... this is sorta like that too... and this rambling state comes with... my eyes cant exactly see what im typing... im hoping the words im saying in my head are the ones my fingers are typing... but u never know right!!

strangely, with all this tiredness the last thing i want to do is sleep.... maybe its how when ur too tired u cant sleep... but its also this feeling that i wanna be outside house... and not sitting still... and though my math exam was a disaster today... IT is the reason iv been awake and am feeling so pooped now.... and its over.....!!! NO MORE MATH!!!! lol... i feel like i should be celebrating.... if only A'bad had a good pub/disco.... booze and dance (and some pretty girls if possible... ahem ahem!!).... aaaaaaahhhh!!!

Of course, all these ideas are what i want to do according to my mind.. if my body had the energy it would kick my minds butt for even thinking of moving................... wow! talk about a weird sentance!!!