Drunken painful rants...

Why is it that those of us who start out as losers, end losers? Just cause im used to being dumped... used and taken for granted, doesnt mean i want people to treat me that way... But it keeps happening... Dosent matter where i am or who with. What this girls problem is or if she really has one at all... none of it matters, as long as im at the receiving end of the bull shit and pain...

I feel like a moron tonight... for trusting someone.... for thinking that if i do the right thing things would work out... for putting so much effort into doing the right thing and being screwed over anyway.... i feel like a moron because even though i know the right thing gets me nowhere, gets me hurt, gets me pushed aside, i insist on taking only that path...and for believing that something good could come my way...

There is nothing to say that will rid me of my annoyance, nothing that will ease the pain... so im writing this instead... venting my frustration and hoping it will empty my mind and heart enough to let me rest tonight... (seeing as its 3 in the morning!)

Rainbow 'Round My Shoulders

I had my weekly dance history class on wednesday morning... and today we got to learn a bit about Lester Horton... and from him of course came Alvin Ailey and all of his work...

The point is, we got to watch a video of the Ailey dancers performing Don McKayle's 'Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder'... first choreographed and performed in 1956, using a series of (chain gang) work songs tied together as the soundtrack.

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL... and i could tell everyone thought so... as soon as it started we were all completely captured... everyone in the room went quiet, stopped taking notes and fidgeting, eating or finishing their coffee's... we just watched the 12 black male dancers move and listened to the haunting music...

I dont know about everyone, but i could feel at least a couple of us feeling completely taken in... wanting to get up and join them... wanting to move to the music... wanting to feel the extreme emotions it was creating on the dancers on stage and inside us... wanting to express that in our movement...

There is something i would love to see live... and i think its something everyone i know should see as well.... at least all the dancers, choreographers and the likes... im so glad i got to experiance that... thanks Rose-Anne! :-)

Beginning Improvisation on tuesdays...

Something i wrote first in my head while i was still in class... lets just say it counts as a personal reflection piece...!

Tuesday - the 6th of Oct.

Once a week I take a class called Beginning Improvisation, a requirement for freshmen who are dance thirds. Now, I am no stranger to improvisation exercises. Both in theater and dance I have explored the mind/body space that improvisation allows you to tap into. I have found a voice of my own in that space, which, let me clarify, is and hopefully always will be growing and transforming into newer things.

While I do believe the self-awareness and learning one gets from these explorations is limitless, I find myself bored and more importantly, unchallenged in these classes where we are discovering places I have already been. Spaces I have already created and re-created many times over.

I wonder when I think about it, if having to learn how to improvise is in fact as much of a contradiction in reality as it seems in my mind. How can you teach something that by definition is meant to be spontaneous and almost entirely self-generated? If improvisation in the performing arts context means to create something that you have never rehearsed before and do something without any preparation, then how can you learn it?

Unlike me, most of my classmates have never done this kind of thing before. And while the questions I posed in the previous paragraph seem reasonable, if not obvious, to me, I understand the need for these classes and this process. For my classmates this class is an introduction to their spontaneous selves. An icebreaker for them to get comfortable with a side of themselves they have probably never had to interact with in a serious, formal manner before now. And while this is usually a completely personal journey of discovery, a well-intentioned push at the starting line can’t hurt.