you there...

trust that i will not fall
alone
your hand will follow
when in need
i shall still resist
until i need no longer
that hand to hold

trust that i will know
for longer
than my heart does remember
the hand to hold
when in need i will
reach out
to the hand to hold

Drunken painful rants...

Why is it that those of us who start out as losers, end losers? Just cause im used to being dumped... used and taken for granted, doesnt mean i want people to treat me that way... But it keeps happening... Dosent matter where i am or who with. What this girls problem is or if she really has one at all... none of it matters, as long as im at the receiving end of the bull shit and pain...

I feel like a moron tonight... for trusting someone.... for thinking that if i do the right thing things would work out... for putting so much effort into doing the right thing and being screwed over anyway.... i feel like a moron because even though i know the right thing gets me nowhere, gets me hurt, gets me pushed aside, i insist on taking only that path...and for believing that something good could come my way...

There is nothing to say that will rid me of my annoyance, nothing that will ease the pain... so im writing this instead... venting my frustration and hoping it will empty my mind and heart enough to let me rest tonight... (seeing as its 3 in the morning!)

Rainbow 'Round My Shoulders

I had my weekly dance history class on wednesday morning... and today we got to learn a bit about Lester Horton... and from him of course came Alvin Ailey and all of his work...

The point is, we got to watch a video of the Ailey dancers performing Don McKayle's 'Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder'... first choreographed and performed in 1956, using a series of (chain gang) work songs tied together as the soundtrack.

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL... and i could tell everyone thought so... as soon as it started we were all completely captured... everyone in the room went quiet, stopped taking notes and fidgeting, eating or finishing their coffee's... we just watched the 12 black male dancers move and listened to the haunting music...

I dont know about everyone, but i could feel at least a couple of us feeling completely taken in... wanting to get up and join them... wanting to move to the music... wanting to feel the extreme emotions it was creating on the dancers on stage and inside us... wanting to express that in our movement...

There is something i would love to see live... and i think its something everyone i know should see as well.... at least all the dancers, choreographers and the likes... im so glad i got to experiance that... thanks Rose-Anne! :-)

time... in words!

Sooooo.... for one of my classes i have to write about time.

yes, thats the only instruction we were given... so imagine the magnitude of possibility... but of course, yours truly cant think of one decent thing to say! Trust me to go into my writers block, frozen ink, drifty minded, useless phase... JUST when Iv been given the chance to write about something awesome!! Grrr... There are time i just wish i had a remote to work my brain so i could have slightly more control over whats going on in it... and more importantly, what its capable of, when!

I know i can write... relatively well at least... and at times... pretty damn well... but i just don't know how to access that... that... material? Skill? PLACE... inside me when i need to! And i really want to be able to... because there are ideas... there are beautiful words... there are so many things just waiting to be written... and they just wont step out of the darkness...

and im tired of this now... lets just keep our fingers crossed and hope that time inspires me...! Both literally and otherwise!